英语小笑话带中文大全？

　配禅　笑话长期以来一直被学界视为不登大雅之堂的小众。下面是我带来的英语小笑话带中文，欢迎阅读!

***一***

A Half

一半

, lately I hear only half as well as I suppose to.

病人：医生，最近我的听力只有我应该听到的一半。

Doctor:I don't understand that, but let's try a *** all test. Say after me: eighty-eight.

医生：我不太明白，但是让我轮轮们做个小测试。跟我说:88。

.

病人：44。

***二***

Hurts

疼痛

A man goes to the doctor and says, "Doctor, wherever I touch, it hurts."

一位男士去看医生，说，“医生，无论我碰哪里，哪里都疼。”

The doctor asks, "What do you mean?"

医生问，“你是什么意思?”

The man says，“When I touch my shoulder, it really hurts. If I touch my knee-OUCH!When I touch my forehead, it really, really hurts."

这个人说，“当我碰我的肩膀时，肩膀很疼。当我碰我的膝盖——哎呦!当我碰我的额头时，它真的，真的很痛。”

The doctor says, "I know what's wrong with you-you've broken your finger!"

医生说，“我知道你哪里有毛病了——你的手指破了!”

英语小笑话带中文欣赏

***一***

Sleeping Pills

***

Bob was having trouble getting to sleep at night. He went to see his doctor, who prescribed some extra-strong sleeping pills.

腊卖信鲍勃晚上失眠。他去看医生，医生给他开了一些强力***。

Sunday night Bob took the pills, slept well and was awake before he heard the alarm.He took his time getting to the office, strolled in and said to his boss: "I didn't have a bit of trouble abetting up this morning."

星期天晚上鲍勃呼了药，睡得很好，在闹钟响之前就醒了。他到了办公室，溜达进去，对老板说：“我今天早上起床一点麻烦都没有。”

“That's fine” roared the boss, "but where were you Monday and Tuesday?"

“好啊!”老板吼道，“那你星期一和星期二到哪儿去了?”

***二***

Let Me Show You How

让我教你

A young man hired by a supermarket reported for his first day of work.

家超市雇用了一个年轻人，他第一天上班报到。

The manager greeted him with a warm handshake and a *** ile, gave him a broom,and said, "Your first job will be to sweep out the store."

经理热情地欢迎了他，和他握手微笑，之后递给他一把扫帚说，“你的第一份工作是打扫商店。”

“But I'm a college graduate," the young man replied indignantly.

“但是，我是名大学毕业生，”年轻人愤怒地回答道。

"Oh, I'm sorry. I didn't realize that," said the manager. "Here, give me the broom—I' 11 show you how."

“噢，对不起。我没注意，”经理说。“来，把扫帚给我—我教你如何做。”

经典的英语小笑话带中文

***一***

I Cannot Leave

我不能走

There was a meeting with a large number of people. At first the speaker was very interesting, but as time went on, he became very boring. Finally when he was through,there was only one man sitting in the large room. The speaker walked up to the man and said, "Thank you for hearing me out when all the others left the room." "Oh! Don't mention it!" replied the man, "I cannot leave because I am the next speaker."

一大批人在开会。最开始，发言的人讲得很有趣，但时间慢慢地过去，他变得很沉闷。最后，当他讲完的时候，只有一个人坐在大房间里。发言者走上前去，对他说，“其他所有人都走了，而你却听到最后，谢谢你。”“哦!别客气!”那人回答说，“我不能走，因为我是下一位发言者。”

***二***

A visitor to the zoo noticed one of the keepers sobbing quietly in a corner and on inquiry was told that the elephant had died.

一名参观动物园的游客注意到一名饲养员正躲在角落里默默地哭泣。他问是怎么回事，别人告诉他大象死了。

"Fond of him，was he?"the visitor asked.

“他很喜欢那头大象，是吧?”游客问道。

"It's not that,"came the reply. "He's the chap who has to dig the grave."

“并非如此，”那人回答说，“他负责给大象挖墓穴。”

有没有英语的带中文的1分钟左右的小笑话

1. Money is not the problem, the problem is money!

2. Drunk who has not satisfied me, I will help the wall!

3. I leaned on the glass like a fly, the future is bright, but can not find the way out.

4. Big Brother, you know? Two brothers and the meat is more expensive than the master of all

5. If the fish can Bunao make people more intelligent, then you should eat at least one pair of children whales ... ...

6. The water is clear there are no fish, people are invincible to the base.

7. Youth is like toilet paper, looking at Tingzhi may, with the use of forward to not enough ~

8. Huai just like pregnancy, long time before people see it.

9. I have friends around, ah, you have known it quickly so that I can sell the memoirs of a ~ ~ ~

10. Colleagues went to see the customer, may be tight, a opening is: "Mr Lau Hello, may I ask your name ah?" Khan ah ~~~~~~

11. A bit of a black female students, her boyfriend has Taibai some, there are days, days after the dorm was poisonous tongue suddenly blurting her: "You did not, you will give birth to a zebra"

12. Aging mother has always been as handsome and money as dirt, and they have been to see me like this

13. Do not, and I am better than lazy, I'm too lazy and you're better than

14. I am not a casual person and I can be up and not human

15. God said, Let there be light, I said that I oppose, from the world, with the dark

16. Today a bad mood. I have only four sentences say. Include this and the previous two. I finished saying ......

17. A man to do a cow wandering in between A and C who beef

18. My great name of God, little Jesus, the English name of God, Buddhist name, is the Tathagata ...

19. People can not hang in a tree, near the trees at the tree to die several times more to try

20. Trees do not skin, certain deathwere shameless, invincible.

21. Farmer 3 boxing a little pain

22. In fact, I have been very popular: a child of my cute now, I love people slut

23. Not afraid of the tiger as the enemy, afraid that the same team-mate pigs

24. Go its own way, let others go by taxi

25. Mice carry the knife, the streets looking for the cat

26. As long as the effort deep shit too seriously

27. Chinese, who ran the fastest? Is Cao Cao (non Liu Xiang). Because that Cao Cao Cao Cao to

28. Thinking of how far, how far you go away

29. only when long lines at the train station, can we truly realize that they are "descendants of the dragon."

30. Lovers and eventually became a family

31. Spring arrived, a group of geese are flying north, while arranged in B fonts T fonts arranged in a while ..

32. Where, where to lie down on the fall

33. Tiger does not shout at you when I was a HELLO KITTY!

34. The donkey is the idea came back ~

◆ woman fat or plump thin is thin high slender dwarf is petitemen fat or thin is ribs pig dwarf bamboo is high is Professor of melon ◆: 90% of adult women in China was not a virgin do send a letter to the President of the other 10% Have you heard of this woman do? Public girls shaking his head. "So you have not received the letter!" ◆ "I have a sort of love you?" "As much as a dime." "only so little?" "Not a dime is 'very' me?" ◆ You long creative, living your courage, ugly is not your intention, God made a temper, live, without you, who set off the beauty of the world!

01. The early bird catches the worm, Early Riser, eaten by birds!

02. And a whale MM argument is not a fish, finally, I said, "say the word, I also take personal," she agreed to a whale That was not the fish.

03. Tiechu to grind needles, but can only be ground into a toothpick Mu Chu, material does not, more effort is useless.

04. If Replies is a virtue, then I would become a saint.

05. Life can not be like cooking, all the materials are ready before the pot.

06. I heard a woman such as clothing, brother of brotherhood. Looking back, I actually busy divvying up the streaker for 20 years!

07. Wear someone else's shoes, go its own way, let them go play in the search.

08. There is a very ancient legend, said to be in the XX beautiful campus to see who will live forever ... ...

09. Are the eggs all over the world together can break stones? ! So life is still to be realistic ... ...

10. Not afraid of the tiger as the enemy, afraid of pigs as teammates!

11. Summer is not good, poor northwest wind when I could not even get to drink ... no ...

12. I've had a pair of wings, but I did not use it in the sky, but on the stew pot ... ...

13. The water is clear there are no fish were to base the invincible!

14. I am not a casual person, and I can not man up.

15. Today, I say to my school group visits - to tell the truth, this is the first time I said, I see the clothes!

16. Thinking of how far, how far you roll! ! !

17. I am poor, my family's servants also very poor, my family's gardener is also very poor, very poor drivers of my home ... ...

18. Bank charges, said: "This is in line with international practice!" Service, said: "To consider the situation of China!"

19. On the horse, not necessarily a prince, he may be the Tang Monkwith angel wings are not necessarily, he may be a bird person.

20. Huai just like pregnancy, long time before people see it.

21. Points higher, farther urine.

22. A minimum goal of Students: peasant woman, spring, a bit field

23. I phone a friend in his girlfriend's name is "he", then they broke up, they become "it" ... ...

24. Nothing matters not to me, and something not to me!

25. Do you think I will watch you die you go to? I will close my eyes to!

26. Buddha said: "Looking back only 500 of past lives this life in exchange for a pass." I would prefer to pass to a world in exchange for life's 500 Review.

27. What shall I love you to death ... ...

28. Network is like a prison, stole a purse originally came in, so when anything out of the learned.

29. Angels fly the reason is because they themselves see very light ... ...

30. I want to puppy love, but it is too late ... ...

31. Shitai! You from the old monk it!

32. I love you! None of your business?

33. Xuehaiwuya, repent and be saved!

34. Life tmd fun, because life is to play my old tmd!

35. This world, I believe two people, one is me and the other is not you.

36. I do not know who bed-law, daughter-I do not know who's bed!

37. I wish I could personally control your grandfather cry: Daddy!

38. NTUT lied to me four years in college, so I'm going to teach me the knowledge of fraud Greeley social life!

39. I have friends around, ah, you have known it quickly so that I can sell the memoirs of a ~ ~ ~

40. When you put on love, wedding, and I put on a monk's robe ... ...

41. Never seen such a disgusting school - the midterm exam is set at May 8! ! ! (Cover up)

42. Prices higher and higher, so fewer and fewer good men ... ...

43. If I do the emperor, on the seal when you Prince!

44. I have a friend phone in his girlfriend's name is "he", then they broke up, they become "it" ... ...

45. Has never become a good student, is strong and reliable quality!

46. Damn, I been complaints against the! Customers say the mp3 files I gave him no images!

47. Life sometimes is like eunuchs **** it - resistance is painful, do not resist or pain!

48. Will each reduce the number of girls to boys behind the 6!

49. East say the west side of the rain, I am enthusiastic teacher mercilessly. So when I test the door to the common struggle and students!

50. What a strange thing to embrace, clearly depend on so close, but not see each other face

1.钱不是问题，问题是没钱！

2.喝醉了我谁也不服,我就扶墙!

3.我就像一只趴在玻璃上的苍蝇，前途一片光明，但又找不到出路．

4.大师兄，你知道吗？二师兄的肉现在比师傅的都贵了

5.如果多吃鱼可以补脑让人变聪明的话，那么你至少得吃一对儿鲸鱼……

6.水至清则无鱼，人至贱则无敌。

7.青春就像卫生纸，看着挺多得，用着用着就不够了~

8.怀才就像怀孕，时间久了才能让人看出来。

9.我身边的朋友们啊，你们快点出名吧，这样我的回忆录就可以畅销了~~~

10.同事去见客户,可能是紧张,一开口便是：“刘先生你好,请问你贵姓啊?”汗啊~~~~~~

11.一女同学黑了些,她男友又太白了些,有天宿舍里得毒舌天后突然对她冒出一句：“你们这样不行,你们会生出斑马来的”

12.老娘一向视帅哥与金钱如粪土，而他们也一直是这样看我的

13.不要和我比懒,我懒得和你比

14.我不是个随便的人 我随便起来不是人

15.上帝说,要有光,我说我反对,从此世界上有了黑暗

16.今天心情不好.我只有四句话想说.包括这句和前面的两句.我的话说完了......

17.做人就要做一个徘徊在牛A和牛C之间的人

18.我的大名叫上帝，小名叫耶稣，英文名God， 法号是如来...

19.人不能在一棵树上吊死，要在附近几棵树上多死几次试试

20.树不要皮，必死无疑；人不要脸，天下无敌。

21.农夫三拳有点疼

22.其实我一直很受人欢迎的：小时候的我人见人爱，如今的我人贱人爱

23.不怕虎一样的敌人，就怕猪一样的队友

24.走自己的路，让别人打车去吧

25.老鼠扛刀，满街找猫

26.只要功夫深，拉屎也认真

27.中国人谁跑的最快？是曹操（非刘翔）。因为说曹操曹操到

28.思想有多远，你就给我滚多远

29.只有在火车站大排长龙时，才能真正意识到自己是“龙的传人”。

30.有情人终成家属

31.春天来了,一群大雁正向北飞,一会儿排成B字型,一会儿排成T字型..

32.在哪里跌倒 就在哪里躺下

33.老虎不发威 你当我是HELLO KITTY！

34.驴是的念来过倒~

◆女人胖是丰满 瘦是苗条 高是修长 矮是娇小；男人胖是肥猪 瘦是排骨 高是竹竿矮是冬瓜 ◆教授：我国成年女性有90%不是处女 总统为此寄信给其他10%的女性 你们听说过此事吗？众女生摇头。“那么说你们都没有收到信！” ◆“你爱我有几分？”“一毛钱之多。”“只有这么一点吗？”“一毛钱不就是‘十分’吗？” ◆你长的很有创意，活着是你的勇气，丑不是你的本意，是上帝发了脾气，活下去，没有你，谁来衬托世界的美丽！

01.早起的鸟儿有虫吃，早起的虫儿被鸟吃！

02.和一MM争论鲸鱼是不是鱼，最后我说“曰本人也带个人字”，她这才同意鲸鱼不是鱼。

03.铁杵能磨成针，但木杵只能磨成牙签，材料不对，再努力也没用。

04.如果回帖是一种美德，那我早就成为圣人了。

05.人生不能像做菜、把所有的料都准备好才下锅。

06.听说女人如衣服，兄弟如手足。回想起来，我竟然七手八脚的裸奔了20年！

07.穿别人的鞋，走自己的路，让他们打的找去吧。

08.有一个很古老的传说，说是在XX校园内能看到美女的人会长生不老……

09.难道全世界的鸡蛋联合起来就能打破石头吗？！所以做人还是要现实些……

10.不怕虎一样的敌人，就怕猪一样的队友！

11.夏天就是不好，穷的时候我连西北风都没得喝……

12.我也曾有过一双翅膀，不过我没用它在天上翱翔，而是放在锅里炖汤……

13.水至清则无鱼，人至贱则无敌！

14.我不是随便的人，我随便起来不是人。

15.今天一群曰本人来我校参观——说实话，这是我第一次看到穿衣服的曰本人！

16.思想有多远，你就滚多远！！！

17.我很穷，我家的佣人也很穷，我家的园丁也很穷，我家的司机也很穷……

18.银行收费时说：“这符合国际惯例！”服务时却说：“要考虑中国国情！”

19.骑白马的不一定是王子，他可能是唐僧；带翅膀的也不一定是天使，他可能是鸟人。

20.怀才就像怀孕，时间久了才能让人看出来。

21.站的更高，尿的更远。

22.一大学生 最低奋斗目标：农妇，山泉，有点田

23.我朋友在他女友手机里的名字是“他”，后来他们分手了，就变成了“它”……

24.没什么事不要找我，有事更不用找我！

25.你以为我会眼睁睁地看着你去送死吗？我会闭上眼睛的！

26.佛曰：“前世的500次回眸才换来今生的一次擦肩而过”。我宁愿用来世的一次擦肩而过来换得今生的500次回眸。

27.我拿什么整死你的爱人……

28.网络就像是监狱，本来是偷了个钱包进来的，等出去的时候就什么都学会了。

29.天使之所以会飞，是因为她们把自己看得很轻……

30.我想早恋，但是已经晚了……

31.师太！你就从了老衲吧！

32.我爱你！关你什么事？

33.学海无涯，回头是岸！

34.生活tmd好玩，因为生活老tmd玩我！

35.这个世界上我只相信两个人，一个是我，另一个不是你。

36.我床上的不知道是谁媳妇，我媳妇不知道在谁的床上！

37.我真想亲口管你爷爷叫声：爹！

38.北科大骗了我大学四年，所以我打算用北科大教我的知识骗社会一辈子！

39.我身边的朋友们啊，你们快点出名吧，这样我的回忆录就可以畅销了~~~

40.当你穿上了爱情的婚纱，我也披上了和尚的袈裟……

41.没见过这么恶心的学校——把期中考试订在5月8号！！！（隐讳）

42.房价越来越高，所以，好男人越来越少……

43.如果我做了皇帝，就封你当太子！

44.我朋友在他女友手机里的名字是“他”，后来他们分手了，就变成了“它”……

45.始终没有沦为一名优秀的大学生，靠的就是坚强品质！

46.妈的，我被人投诉了！客户说我给他的mp3文件没有图像！

47.生活有时就像被太监****一样——反抗是痛苦，不反抗还是痛苦！

48.将每个女生后面的男生数减少到6名！

49.东边曰出西边雨，导师无情我有情。所以考试时我要和同学门共同奋战！

50.拥抱真是个奇怪的东西，明明靠的那么近，却看不见彼此的脸

英语笑话（要带中文的）不要太长的。

Like Father ,Like Son (有其父必有汪消或其子)

One day ,Mr.Read found a litter boy in his apple tree.He got very

angry and shouted ,"Hey,get down at once ,or I'll have a word with your father !"

But the boy ,without stopping eating the apple ,raised his head towards the branches above and said ."Dad ,get down .A guy under the tree wants to have a word with you!"

有其父必有其子

一天，瑞德先生看见一个小男孩在他家苹果树上，他很生气就对那个男孩大喊：“，嘿！你给我立马滚下来，否则我就告诉你爸爸去！”

但是，男孩还不停的吃着苹果，抬头朝这上面树枝上的父亲说道：“爸爸，你下来，树下有个家伙想和你谈一谈！”

1.猴子捞月

One day, a little monkey is playing by the well.

一天，有只小猴子在井边玩儿。

He looks in the well and shouts:

它往井里一瞧，高喊道：

"Oh! My god! The moon has fallen into the well!"

“噢！我的天！月亮掉到井里头啦！”

An older monkey runs over, takes a look, and says:

一只大猴子跑来一看，说，

"My goodness! The moon is really in the water!"

“糟啦！月亮掉在井里头啦！”

An oldest monkey comes over.

老猴子也跑过来。

He is very surprised as well and cries out:

他困伍也非常惊奇，喊道：

"The moon is in the well."

“糟了，月亮掉在井里头了！”

A group of monkeys run over to the well.

一群猴子跑到井边来，

They look at the moon in the well and shout:

他们看到井里的月亮，喊道：

"The moon did fall into the well! Come on! Let's get it out!"

“月亮掉在井里头啦！快来！让我桥搜们把它捞起来！”

Then, the oldest monkey hangs on the tree up side down, with his feet on the branch,

然后，老猴子倒挂在大树上，

and he pulls the next monkey's feet with his hands.

拉住大猴子的脚。

All the other monkeys follow his suit,

其他的猴子一个个跟着，

and they join each other one by one down to the moon in the well.

它们一只连着一只直到井里。

Just before they reach the moon, the oldest monkey raises his head and happens to see the moon in the sky.

正好他们摸到月亮的时候，老猴子抬头发现月亮挂在天上呢。

He yells excitedly: "Don't be so foolish! The moon is still in the sky!"

它兴奋地大叫：“别蠢了！月亮还好好地挂在天上呢！”

2.生金蛋的鹅The goose with the golden eggs

One morning a countryman went to his goose's nest, and saw a yellow and glittering egg there.

He took the egg home. To his delight, he found that it was an egg of pure gold.

Every morning the same thing occurred, and he soon became rich by selling his eggs.

The countryman became more and more greedy. He wanted to get all the gold at once, so he killed the goose, when he looked inside, he found nothing in its body.

一天早晨，一位农夫发现自家的鹅窝中有一只金灿灿的蛋。

他将蛋带回家，惊喜地发现这是一个金蛋。

此后，农夫每天都能得到一个金蛋。从此，他靠卖他的金蛋变得富有起来。

农夫变得越来越贪婪，他想一下子得到鹅肚子中所有的金蛋。于是他杀死了鹅，但是，鹅肚子中什么也没有。

寓意: 如果不懂得知足，贪得无厌，我们就会失去已经拥有的东西。

3.老狮子与狐狸 The lion and the fox

The lion once said that he was sick on his death bed.

So he asked all the animals to come and listen to his last wishes.

The goat came to the lion’s cave. He stood there and listened for a long time.

Then a sheep went in. Before she came out, a rabbit entered to hear the last wishes of the king of beasts.

But soon the lion seemed to recover, and went to the mouth of his cave.

He saw a fox waiting outside. "Why don’t you come in?" asked the lion to the fox.

"I beg Your Majesty’s pardon," said the fox, "I have seen many animals enter your cave, but none of them come out.

Till they come out again, I prefer to wait outside."

一头年老的狮子声称自己病得要死了，他告诉所有的动物来听他的临终遗言。

一只山羊进入狮子的洞穴，并一直留在那里，接着一只绵羊也进去了。之前，一只兔子也曾进去听这兽中之王的临终遗言。

但是不久，狮子好像康复了，能走到洞口了，他看到狐狸站在洞口，就问：“你为什么不进来呢？”

“尊敬的殿下，”狐狸回答说，“如果我没发现只有进去的脚印，没有一个出来的脚印，我也许会进洞去。”

初中2分钟英语短文,故事,笑话视频

1.这天，至聪木匠师徒正在忙着，有个财主急着要装犁，说了半天好话，还说杀鸡待他们，至聪木匠就让徒弟去装。谁知，财主捉鸡时，故意放它逃走，又说称肉吃，待卖肉的屠夫路过，财主又赶紧躲进里屋。一会儿出来说，改吃鸡蛋算了，正好卖豆腐的来了，财主想，豆腐比鸭蛋还合算，就买了两块豆腐给渣让他吃。徒弟生了气，装犁时没尽心。

过了几天，财主对至聪木匠说：“你带的好徒弟！装的犁，不是深了，就是浅了。”至聪木匠说：“老爷！我徒弟装的是放鸡犁，犁上装的是鸭蛋尖，所以犁进去躲屠夫，犁出来鸭蛋换豆腐。”

2.一天，至聪木匠为财主家干活。吃饭时，财主想捉弄他，有意把筷子摆在碗的左边。至聪木匠就用左手拿筷子吃，吃得很慢，大半天过去了，还坐在席上。财主急了。至聪木匠笑道：“老爷，对不起，我师傅从没教过我用左手吃饭。”

3.从前，有个大财主叫胡心田，心术很坏，专门刻薄穷人。一天遇到文三说：“文三，都

说你会讲古，今天讲个看看。”

文三说：“好。从前有个姓十的和姓喻的结亲家。姓十的嫌自己的笔划太少，再说《百家姓》上也没有此姓。就对姓喻的说：‘你的嘴巴吊在旁边，是多余的，把那个口字让给我姓古，在脊升《百家姓》上也可归宗。’姓喻的想，把我旁边的口字送给他，我还是姓俞，就答应了。可是，这人还不知足，又说：‘亲家，我这古字笔划还是太少，你把那个月字也给我，让我姓胡吧！’姓‘俞’的一听，火了：‘想把我的下面都抠空吗？你这人真是心田不正！’”胡心田自讨了一场没趣。

4.有个财主吃得如野局跟肥猪一样胖，一天没事儿就好养蝈蝈。王黑小捉了只蝈蝈，故意把发声的器官掐了来和财主比。

那个财主正吃饭，看了看把嘴一撇说：“这只蝈蝈又不会叫，还养它干什么？”

王黑小瞅着酒菜，微微笑道：“别看我这蝈蝈不会叫，可吃得好！”

5.文安县新上任的县官，盘剥百姓的手法，比前几任还辣。王黑小想捉弄他一下。一天，王黑小买了两个烧饼送给县官的小少爷，说：“快拿回家去，大人要问，就说是黑大伯给买的。”

县官听孩子一说，大怒：哪来的黑大伯？分明是有人耍笑我。一查，知是王黑小干的，

正要派人捉拿到衙，王黑小却来了。他肩挑一根薄竹片，竹片两头各吊着个小沙果。上大堂后，连揖都不作。县官喝令打他40大板。王黑小把两个沙果向上一举道：“且慢！小民有礼物呈送，你打我不得！”

县官问：“怎么打你不得？”

王黑小说：“官不打送礼的，狗不咬拉屎的。你今天如果破例打了我，那今后给府上送礼的，难道都该打不成？”县官只好放了王黑小。

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